True and Perfect Joy

On this wonderful Feast of St. Francis...I present you with:

True and Perfect Joy.

A "Fun Nun" modern and witty interpretation of the Parable told by

St. Francis to Brother Leo.

Brother Leo--"Hey, Francis...what's up with the joy thing?"

Francis (in the tone of any good teacher)--"Well, Leo...what do you think joy is?"

Leo (rolling his eyes)--"Seriously? Ok...joy...hmm....world peace, end of poverty, violence, hunger, war, extinction of peas, raisins, and the song kumbaya, Brother Al not snoring so loudly, living the Gospel fully, and Godiva chocolate."

(Francis considers Godiva chocolate as the essence of Joy, but thinks better of it and makes the sound of a game show buzzer...errrr)

Leo (rolling his eyes again)--"Oh great...parable time...I can see it in your face. Here we go..."

Francis (smiling broadly)--"You mentioned Brother Al's snoring and the extinction of peas."

Leo--"Only you..Mr. Dance in the streets would connect snoring and peas. Alright I'm listening."

Francis--"Let's say...you and Brother Al went together to Farmington, Saskatchewan to give a mission talk. You arrive at the Friary and Br. Ivan says when he opens the door, "Oh...geeze...they sent you two," and slams the door in your face.

Leo--"You do remember that I asked about joy right?"

Francis--"Oh yes I do...wait we're not even to the good part yet! So...you and Br. Al ring the bell and Br. Ivan says,

'Oh and your stubborn and don't take not-so-subliminal messages very
well either. I'll show you your room.'

He takes you out to the barn past the stables and shows you two blankets on the ground.

'Good luck with your mission talk, my Brothers, heh heh. Dinner is served at 7."

You look at Br. Al and think, "Last mission talk, we were in a hotel. I sure hope I brought ear plugs. His snoring is going to keep me up all night." And, for all intents and purposes, you can assume that it will.

Br. Leo--"JOY, Francis...JOY stay focused."

Francis--"Are you kidding me? Anyway...you go to the kitchen for dinner and discovered that it was the Regional Franciscan Iron Chef competition with secret ingredient--PEAS. Yep...that's right...6 courses all with peas."

Br. Leo--Gross...I thought the snoring would be the bad part of the story. Do I experience Joy when I muddle through the Pea-fest and come to bed to realize there is Godiva on my hay bale?"

Francis--"NO...this is the best part! True and perfect joy, my dear Brother is when you eat everything offered, offer to do the dishes for Br. Ivan, and sign up for 3 more days in the Friary under the same conditions, and finally...tell Br. Al how grateful you are that the two of you had this experience of deepened community and friendship."

Br. Leo--"Where's the joy?"

Francis--"It's in the accepting, patience, and seeing the bigger picture. You were sent to another fraternity to spread the Good News, Brother. Responding in gratitude and with sincerity...is where you'll experience true and perfect joy."

Br. Leo..."I'm sorry I asked."

Francis--"I'm not. Now, go reflect on that."

Br. Leo (rolls his eyes and walks back to his room)

Francis--"Praised be God...creator of all things good...help me see the true and perfect joy in the 'eye rolls"

(enthusiastic applause)

I'm kinda in a Brother Leo-ish space right now. I'm wanting a big box of Godiva chocolate and I'm being served a 6 course meal of peas. To top that off...I've got all these "Francis'" saying, "Oh Katy...it's True and Perfect Joy". EYE ROLL.

I'm Franciscan, we're all about the conversion, with a giant plateful of JOY to go with it. The conversion part is pretty much the Blobby Yuck that I've talked about in other posts. You resist it, you don't like it, ew...yuck...when do we get the joy? Then you hear stuff like, "Oh...you have to walk through this and you will come out of it with wisdom and joy..." I feel compelled to scrunch face, roll eyes, and change topic.

When I professed my vows...I had learned in "nun school" about poverty, chastity, and obedience. I heard stories, experiences and had some of my own initial lived experiences of how the vows are lived out. So "a journey begun" won (ha ha ha...)...I've begun a spirit-journey, not necessarily on my terms. I professed publicly "I will obey the Spirit speaking in community".

The vow of obedience has snuck up on me in unexpected, challenging, and profound ways. The Spirit finally spoke so strongly, I couldn't even argue. (Pick yourselves up off the floor, stop hyperventilating--think conversion, it can happen to anyone!) Tending my spirit is what I am being called to right now; for me...not easy and kinda scary. But the Spirit (in the form of many of "My People") is saying: time to embrace the peas to get to the chocolate.

So...I'm just sitting down at the table, trying to be open to the fact that I'm about to eat a 6 course meal featuring peas so that I can enjoy a wonderfully raspberry filled, dark chocolate Godiva bar when I am done.

True and Perfect Joy...

Thank you God for calling me to Franciscanism.

So friends in the blogosphere...I am not sure how bloggy I can be in the next month or two...stay tuned...The Adventures of One Fun Nun...has just begun. Until then...

Peas and all Good-iva

(I couldn't resist.)

News from the Alma Mater

Well...apparently my letter to July didn't work...It's September now! We finished two weeks of school already...I can't believe it. Life at St. Roman's is definitely in full swing again. I am not as faithful to this blog as I'd like to be; I'm so glad I still have fans! I am still around...just more sporadically.

Friday, I went to my sister, Ellie's soccer game. She's a nursing student at Alverno and a very talented player. She broke the college's record for number of points scored! WOOT WOOT. I played on Alverno's very first team...I guess I held the record for most points scored 1 season (1pt; only goal we had all season). Ellie is incredible. Here's the link to her article http://athletics.alverno.edu/soccer/releases/252-inferno-soccer-downs-north-central-minn-lafond-is-new-all-time-points-leader Go Inferno!

Dear July

Dear July--

I need you to come back; I was just not ready for your swift departure. I have vacation to post about and exciting things to get ready for school. I just feel like we didn't get the chance to spend any time together. I'm begging you...please please come back.

Sincerely,

Sr. Augustin Denial

Retreat Installment #2: Whimsical Yo Yo

Profound YoYo (see Retreat Installment #1) had the spirit working over time in lots of intense prayer time...LOTS. Because the spirit believes that my goal for life is BALANCE...she surprised me my first afternoon of retreat (day after YoYo Ma) with a care package. I woke up from a nap and opened my door and voila! Here's what I saw:

A little context...My friend, Sr. Vicki, CSA is the proud owner of a Hoops stuffed animal. Hoops has been on retreat, around the US, and most recently in Ireland accompanying a group of Dominican students on a trip. Hoops missed having a buddy to join in the photographing fun...so he decided to surprise me with a Yo Yo care package to help balance some of the seriousness (or as my retreat director said, "You need a little whimsy!").

So I opened the door and laughed (I was totally surprised) and in addition to Yo Yo there was a coffee mug and a fun and thoughtful card. I now had an assignment...Yo Yo needed to have a retreat with me so he could share with Hoops all of the great things we prayed about this week.

It was a good diversion when life got a little intense, that's for sure. And it was fun to say, "Hey...Yo Yo could take a picture of this...and this...oh and this!" (Yo Yo is having way more fun on vacation! Just wait until those photos come!)

Well...folks...that is Retreat Installment #2: Whimsical Yo Yo. There is one final chapter to be unveiled...

Retreat Installment #3: Multi-Media-ing Yo-yo...stay tuned....

Retreat Installment #1--Profound YoYo

Yo-yo...blog readers!

Seems hardly fair that I can be sitting outside, on a deck, in the sunshine over looking Dell Creek on an 80 degree day in July (where my only frustrations have been: I have to keep moving so I can see the computer screen and just now, "Oh shoot the wind blew over my cheese and cracker). I thought at one point I was called to be a cruise director...maybe I should revisit that. :-) I love vacation!

Last week I was on RETREAT, my annual week-long, "silent" directed retreat. I knew I needed a retreat badly...(that's definitely a sign of "nun-culturation") and was looking forward to Q-U-I-E-T time. Sure...the externals were quiet--but inside "Katy-land" not so much. Retreat definitely slows the pace and gives good spaces for prayer, reflection, working through stuff, etc. Retreat can be hard work, too *insert look of disbelief and laughter (c'mon I've seen it before)*. My last two retreats were working retreats...but this one was like boot camp for the spirit-self. Unfortunately, for me...all wasn't in, out, gone by Friday either. It was more like "AHH...Ooh...NOO...ugh...I see...hmm....argh!....ack!....yay!!....what?...WHAT??...c'mon....hmm"

Yeah...it was that kind of retreat...I just kept thinking...oh PRAISE GOD that I have vacation afterwards for retreat recovery. Don't get me wrong...retreat did it's job and took me along for the ride; but it was definitely a bumpy ride with UPs and DOWNs and "Are we there yet?" isn't even worth asking, because you know very well that you're not there YET.

Funny I should mention UPs and DOWNs...the Yo-yo seemed to be a theme that came UP in three interesting ways: 1. YoYo Ma 2. Yo-Yo (as in best friend of Hoops www.hallmark.com) 3. yo-yoing So...welcome to my crazy world of retreat reflections 2009.

I have three needs for retreat: good weather for walking, water (as in lake, river, ocean, etc), and a director who likes a challenge (...and it's not my goal to be challenging). I've posted about retreat before...so I won't reiterate all of that stuff.

Anywho...night #1 I went walking with my mp3 player and this haunting cello (Well it was a symphonic piece, but the cello was highlighted throughout) piece came on.

**NOTE: I have the piece in the video above, if you want to hear it. The flower was just an aide to circumventing the "no music hosting on blogger"; that's the only image, if you want to keep reading**

I had been making my little deals with the spirit for retreat (more like begging...PLEASE...I WANT TO HAVE A GOOD RETREAT...C'MON spirit work your magic!) I've probably heard it a million times, but this time the music played right through me. I was totally drawn into this piece of music and the cello in particular. I still really don't have words to describe my reaction, but what ever IT was...IT was deep and profound. I don't really do feelings all that well, but if someone came up me and said, "well how does that make you feel?" I'd have given them my headphones.

Well...that set the context for my retreat for sure. I'd actually been struggling with "words" in my prayer and journaling for a while--F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-N-G. Try journaling without words (and being a stink-o artist) for a few months and see. One of my learnings these days is to love the power of images (something I hated a few years ago) and allow other things (like music, movies, um...people :-) ) get "in", to get "out", and moved "on".

I came back to the retreat house and sat and stared out the window for a long time listening to this piece over and over (and over) and then started writing. Now...I'm not a write-er, I don't do stories or poems or creative artistic writing stuff. I can make up Haiku's, Quatrains, Limerick's, but they are silly and for fun. While listening to this piece was was just writing down the images that popped into my head...and this poem-ishy thing appeared in my journal:

The deep, slow drone
Draws her in--without warning.
Bowed gently, her subtle melody
Thoughtful and intoxicating.
Smooth and simple phrasing,
She feels the ache of each note.
Careful chording, haunting sound--
Tangled in her sad story.

Marveled by passion and intensity--
The cellist shifts focus,
Soft and serene,
Higher and faster--
She is fooled again; quickly returning
To the song's deep darkness.

A constrictor like melody,
The prey is right where he wants,
Almost teasing its victim.

The cellist releases the bow,
Family of strings begin;
Listeners, perceiving a resolution.
To this deep grieving song.

Lastly, woodwinds, in their rescuing ways,
Take most to a masked land, which doesn't exist.
All eerie dissonance resolved.

Except for the prey,
Longing for him to reach the final cadence;
Only to hear silence and feel peace.

Ok Spirit...you had my attention at least (AND THIS WAS THE FIRST NIGHT)...Welcome to retreat, Sista Katy...it's going to be a "fun" one!

Stay Tuned for Retreat Installment #2: Whimsical Yo Yo.