Reflective, quiet time has been a struggle since I've been struck with major soul malaise (see post). In fact, my spiritual director said I should announce a "snit"...an absence of requiring myself and "should-ing" myself into my normal patterns and expectations of prayer. Let God meet me where I'm at kinda thing. So people...I'm in a SNIT and approved and ready to activate SNIT.
I was gifted with a glorious, crisp, sunny autumn day and some time to wander. I found the beauty comforting and the time and space to think somewhat healing. It dawned on me that it was the feast of All Saints (11-1-11); part of my snit is not including liturgical prayer. I love liturgy; it's one of my most favorite expressions of prayer. It speaks to me of COMMUNITY and coming together. I've lived community, been the living body of Christ, being Eucharist to those with whom I encounter in ministry and community life. Part of my soul malaise is experiencing deep pain in being in community situations. It pierces me deeply; inconsolable pain. Going to Mass was not going to happen for me this All Saints. Feeling the guilt and then remembering my spiritual director's advice to let God meet me where I'm at formed a sense of calm and invitation to "create a chapel" in the space I'm in--physically, spiritually, psychologically. This Haiku emerged:
Create a chapel--
Embracing silence, beauty
God met me in me.
I only had my cell phone to take pictures and thanks to perfect light conditions and the most vibrant colors I've ever seen...I got some great shots. Nothing fancy, but some are really cool. I of course put it to music which touches into where I'm at too. This piece is called "Breakable" by Ingrid Michaelson.
To my Saints...thank you for your prayerful guidance. To my Souls...I pray for you. To my God...thank you for meeting me inside of me. I continue to hold on to the thread...
3 comments:
Blessings, Katy, and healing for your deep pain. I am so sorry you have all this to walk through right now - and I'm glad you can engage in a real SNIT and that you have real inner and outer beauty to accompany you and give you some consolation. Of course, I'm not clear on the details, but I am praying that God hold you safely through this time however and wherever you are. Prayers coming.
I am a diocesan priest discerning to join the OFMs (Franciscans) and I stumbled upon your blog. I don't exactly know what happened to your vocation journey, but remember there are many paths to serve the Lord. I'll include you in my prayers and masses. May you find your true "home," real happiness and fulfillment in life.
-A.R.R.
Hello. I am a layperson, exploring my spirituality. I liked your photo & song montage... About your soul malaise - try doing a rain dance. It sounds cooky (and it is) but back in high school (boarding school situation) a Hindu friend and I made one up in hopes we could skip our sports that afternoon - that they'd be rained out... Well, it stayed perfectly sunny, until it was time to come in from sports requirements for dinner. Then, what a storm! Thank Heaven for Rhode Island weather. I think it only worked because it was more about us making each other laugh for a few minutes on a tough day than it was about actual rain. We didn't exactly put any stock in it while we were doing the dance. We still look back giggling about it - almost 20 years later. The key is having somebody do it with you, preferably in a tiny living area - too small for much movement. It really gets the chortles going, somebody fun and feeling goofy. Good luck and God bless!
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