Create a Chapel

I had the opportunity on a gorgeous autumn day to wander around the Anderson Japanese Gardens in Rockford, IL.  Their initial screen on the web page states: "...offering a place of peace and tranquility where they will find healing, renewal, inspiration, and a re-energized soul..."  Well...shoot...just what I needed!

Reflective, quiet time has been a struggle since I've been struck with major soul malaise (see post).  In fact, my spiritual director said I should announce a "snit"...an absence of requiring myself and "should-ing" myself into my normal patterns and expectations of prayer.  Let God meet me where I'm at kinda thing.  So people...I'm in a SNIT and approved and ready to activate SNIT. 

I was gifted with a glorious, crisp, sunny autumn day and some time to wander.  I found the beauty comforting and the time and space to think somewhat healing.  It dawned on me that it was the feast of All Saints (11-1-11); part of my snit is not including liturgical prayer.  I love liturgy; it's one of my most favorite expressions of prayer. It speaks to me of COMMUNITY and coming together.  I've lived community, been the living body of Christ, being Eucharist to those with whom I encounter in ministry and community life.  Part of my soul malaise is experiencing deep pain in being in community situations.  It pierces me deeply; inconsolable pain.  Going to Mass was not going to happen for me this All Saints.   Feeling the guilt and then remembering my spiritual director's advice to let God meet me where I'm at formed a sense of calm and invitation to "create a chapel" in the space I'm in--physically, spiritually, psychologically.  This Haiku emerged:

Create a chapel--

Embracing silence, beauty

God met me in me.

 I only had my cell phone to take pictures and thanks to perfect light conditions and the most vibrant colors I've ever seen...I got some great shots.  Nothing fancy, but some are really cool.  I of course put it to music which touches into where I'm at too.  This piece is called "Breakable" by Ingrid Michaelson.

To my Saints...thank you for your prayerful guidance.  To my Souls...I pray for you.  To my God...thank you for meeting me inside of me.  I continue to hold on to the thread...

Soul Malaise and a Message to the Universe

I've felt totally uninspired to blog the past two weeks.  I've been in a funk--heartbroken and sick with soul malaise (a coined term from a friend). 

I've written about, prayed about, and been on a discernment journey for quite some time.  It's been very rough at times and other times pure joy!  I know I've grown from my icky, squirmy experiences and that I'm a better person for them.  I have met the most fantastic people and grown from them too. 

I'm a journeyer...a seeker...a questioner...I've been trying to find my way--where I most feel at home.  Where I can be the me I was created to be.  Where I can live out where I believe and experience God calling me.  (Hello...can we say...baptismal promise...here folks?)

I just hit a gigantic road block...smack in my face...stopped me dead in my tracks.  Ouch.

I tried being mad a God.  Didn't work.  It's people that got in the way; not God.  People that may think they know God's voice in my heart better, or clearer than me.  I don't accept that; no one knows how God is speaking to you but you.  I guess it's a big part of our faith journey...dealing with the people who get in the way.  Look at what Jesus had to deal with!  Read about the Saints...see what they had to deal with to live out their call sometimes! 

To the universe and the people that get in the way, I want to say...

LOOK...I am a woman of God...faith-filled and willing to serve.  I have a lot to give and an immense heart that's ready and capable of great loving.  I have gifts that I'm willing and ready to share.  I am willing to be on the journey...no matter how hard it is.  I will make mistakes and I will grow. I will challenge and I will be challenged. I will love and I want to be loved for who I am not who you'd like me to be or how you think I should be. I'm a learner, a perseverer, and committed.  I will follow the Spirit speaking within and around me as best as I can.  I will find home...and live as God is calling me. 


As much as it hurts me and cuts through everything I have known and loved for a long time--I'm back on the journey to find my "home"...the place where I belong.  It's a little harder to trust the Spirit this time.  A little harder to trust that voice of God in me.  It's a little harder to see what's possible.  But...I will find it....and when I do, I'll live it.

Sacred Silence

I have reflections to reflect and artwork to share, but not enough time at the moment--Stay tuned for that.

I took a few days away for retreat at the CSA Motherhouse hermitages for the Triduum.  It was a wonderful space for me of rest, art-ting, prayer, and sacred silence.  Holy Thursday, on my walk, I brought my camera and just snapped anything and everything that caught my eye.  I saw many glimpses of the resurrection as green emerged from the SNOW (snow? Yes...SNOW on April 22).  Enjoy the slide show of the images and the song: Sacred Silence by T. Booth.